There's Knowing and Then There's KNOWING

Life is full of what one of my dear friends terms 'la la' moments.  The things in life you just don't want to face. I have spent the last few months having my own la la moment.  Usually, I'm the very grounded practical person, pointing out the stark facts to those in my life, that like to live in the land of make believe. But I suppose everyone has something they just don't want to deal with, that they'd rather forget, or that they can't seem to face.

For me, that something, was diabetes.  I grew up in a family that is plagued with this disease. Ugh...disease, disorder, discombobulation...can I just say, whatever you want to call it, it sucks big time. I have always been surrounded by loved ones that had diabetes, so I knew how it looked...all it's little symptoms, so when I started having them, I knew my time had come.

Doesn't that sound ominous!? My time had come, as if I was the damsel just waiting for the bad guy to swoop down on me. Oh, I was, but I had plenty a hand in it...a hand in the cookie jar, a hand on the fork. If you know me, you know my backside didn't get this wide by exercising restrain. Heredity gets to deal us a hand, but we all make decisions that improve upon what we're given, or we let it ride to see what happens.

So I waited, knowing, as long as I dared, before I went to the doctor to get the 'stark facts' for myself. Why did I wait? Because I didn't want to give up all the foods I love! I'm a foodie kind of person. I love recipe books, I love shopping, cooking, eating and feeding other people. It's a form of southern love. My grandma fed me, my moma fed me, my aunts fed me, and I have memories of wonderful times stored away in my brain...almost all of them connected to food. Events and food go together. Right? I waited because I knew, once I had a confirmation of what I knew, that I couldn't sit idly by and let this sweet disease take my health. That I would have to get off my considerable behind and do something about it. Changes would be required and you know how all us human folk love change.

Now here I am, 3 1/2 weeks after finding out I'm diabetic, working on how to make my life a little less sweet, if you know what I mean. Changes have occurred. I'm on medication...that's another blog, coming soon.  I'm checking my sugar every day...yet another blog for another day. And I'm dealing with my love of food, because my body is no longer going to let me just eat what I want without serious, scary consequences. 

And I'm sharing it all with whoever cares to read about it. Why? Lots of reasons. After my doctor visit, I had a little pity party, complete with tears, because I didn't want to have this disease. I was angry with the part I couldn't control (all those weird glands and things that quit working like they are supposed to) and I was angry with myself for living my life as if I could somehow just magically escape my fate without effort on my part. Then I gave myself the stern talking to I deserved...something along the lines of bucking up and dealing with it, after which I knew that it would benefit me and help me wrap my mind around what I now have to do if I chronicled my experience. The other reason, that I can verbalize, is that I want to share what I learn with others, in the hopes that one person can help another and so on. I suppose that's the librarian in me, wanting to research it all, get the facts, and then give them to people who look like they need information!

If you are here and have this disease, please know that I will do my best to share whatever I find, to improve our diabetic lives. If you are here and your glands are all in proper working order...well, just enjoy the ramblings and adventures of one diabetic girl.