One Down...One to Go

Thanksgiving has come and gone, we finished the last of our holiday meals tonight. Part of the time I did really well with my food choices, and part of the time I tanked like the Titanic. Weirdly enough, Thanksgiving day, although not perfect, I held up pretty well. It really is a bummer you can't accummulate your carbs and have them when you need them rather than spread out, cause I could do that! It would sooo work for me! Anyway, I ate all my favorite stuff, in reasonable, although I'm sure not reasonable enough, amounts. As I added in my head, I figured I was about 2 carbs over for the day. Not bad. I can live with that for the biggest holiday meal I will have.

Oh but the fun was just starting. A day that shouldn't have tripped me up at all, just threw me for all sorts of curves. The day AFTER Thanksgiving...it was laying in wait for me, I swear! There were all the combinations of things that fit together perfectly to add up to a bad day of food choices for me. First, Caroline and I were alone for the most part, so there wasn't visiting to do or visitors to see and keep occupied with entertaining. Second, neither of us were feeling very well (she had a cold and I was on day 3 of a headache), so we didn't want to get out and go do anything or even really do much around the house. Boredom setting in is so not a good thing for me and food! Since I didn't feel good, I didn't want to cook either, so other than a healthy breakfast (I set out on this day with good intentions!), I left us to nosh on leftovers from Thanksgiving and whatever we could rustle up. Well, you and I both know that if you rustle up something...it's usually the rustling of a chip bag, or the rustling of a wrapper on candy...it's never the rustling of fresh vegetables! Alone, bored, feeling yucky, not cooking...I was doomed when I got out of bed. It didn't help that pecan pie was sitting in my fridge feeling neglected because I only ate one small piece the day before. I could just hear it calling my name...

The only good thing I can say about the day was, it was at least grazing all the wrong foods, and not a big sit down fest of feasting on junk. There were natural consequences, of the kind that I love, love, love to have happen to my children. You know the ones, where you don't have to punish your kids because the outcome of their choice is so awful that they are punished without you having to say a word!? I got just that kind of moment, only it was all mine...every last bite. Ugh. I just thought I felt bad. By the end of the day I was good and miserable, with only myself to thank. At the end of it all, I realized there hadn't even been a vegetable on my horizon, not all day long! That's just nuts.

Which made me think...how often do we just eat, without thought, without effort, without care? We get one body, one shot at taking care of what we've been given, and how often do we expect our bodies to just keep up with what we're doing to it?! As I lay in bed last night, praying...being thankful for my warm house, and my great kids, and memories of happy wonderful holidays from years gone by, I spent a little time talking to the Lord about my choices that day. And I'd love to say there was a bright light moment of knowing I'll never make that mistake again, but who am I kidding? In general, we, as humans aren't nearly as well trained as our pets...we keep sticking our hands to the fire, knowing what happens! But I got up today, with resolve to be thinking about, looking at, aware of what I was eating. Eating with awareness, whether you are diabetic or not, is a real good idea. If you have that down, yay! I don't, I'm still working on it. I'll be working on it when I leave this world, I'm sure. But working on it is better than doing nothing at all.

I refuse to just 'do nothing' about this disease. That would be like standing on the railroad tracks with the train coming and 'hoping for the best'. Uh...NOT. So today was a good day. Even though we had another big dinner with lots of goodies. I ate well all day, and I didn't feel deprived. I felt great actually. And I ate what I wanted at dinner, within reason. As much as anything, this, for me, is a journey about self-control. And never have I had a harder time with anything. I bought a lesson this week though. Hopefully, it will be awhile before I have to buy another.

So for those days when you are losing your mind and eating without using your brain, try a few of these top 25 diabetic snacks from the Diabetes Living online mag. They are good for anyone, you don't need diabetes to enjoy them, I promise!  http://www.diabeticlivingonline.com/food-to-eat/nutrition/top-diabetic-snacks/

A Roll by Any Other Name is Still a Carb

Hightailed it to Paris this week for my first visit with the Diabetes Educator. Like most people, the last place I normally want to find myself is in some medical office, but I was actually in a very positive frame of mind and looking forward to finding out more about how to help myself.  I was not disappointed. First of all, the very knowledgeable professional that I saw was wonderful. She explained so many things to me, things that I knew on the surface, but didn't have all the details I wanted. She also made me feel a little less afraid and certainly like I wasn't alone in the medical management of this disease.

We talked about several aspects of diabetes and I suspect each visit will leave me feeling more in control of what happens from this point on.  Things I'm obsessed with at this moment, however, that I'm going to get tired of quickly:  reading, reading, reading labels and counting, counting, counting carbs. Which package has the fewest grams of carbohydrates per serving?  I'm looking for every opportunity to save a carb, picking up every package to read. And while I will get tired of reading and counting, I will never be able to stop. Not if I like breathing deep on the topside of planet earth...and I do. So, guess we should talk about carbs and what makes a standard serving of them for a diabetic.

There are three types: starches (complex carbohydrates), sugar, and fiber. On a label, the Total Carbohydrate, is the number you are looking for because it combines the totals of all those together for one happy number you can use.  Starches include foods like corn, peas, dried beans, potatoes, and grains like wheat, oats, etc.  Sugar includes those naturally occurring like in milk and fruit and added sugars from food processing.  Fiber includes the indigestible parts of plant foods.

The magic number of grams in a serving for us sweetest folks?  15...You read that right, 15. Want to know how long it takes to get to 15??? One-half of a hamburger bun. One slice of many breads. One-third a cup of pasta. I scoured the shelves today to come up with some kind of pasta that magically did not have 42 grams of carbohydrates in a 2 oz. serving. It was nowhere to be found. I'm not Italian but I mourned a little, right there in the aisle of WallyWorld.

Every diabetic has a diet/menu plan/new way of eating forever that sucks big time, assigned to them, because this is a customized disease. All us sweet people are not created equal. So, you have to find out how many carb servings you can have a day from the trained people that know. All I know is what I get to have, which is 3 carbs per meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and 2 carbs for one snack. Of course I get all the other food groups, also in assigned amounts, but we're talking about the foods that turn to sugar at the moment. Now, the most un-fun news I received this week from this fabulous diabetic educator? You can't bank these bad boys for a rainy day! Oh no, forget skipping breakfast, and lunch in favor of overdosing on spaghetti at the local pizza joint...it ain't happening! We cannot save them, to use later. We eat them at the meal they are assigned or we lose them. It's not like counting calories on the lastest fad diet or counting points on Weight Watchers (great program, by the way, just saying). Once your body no longer makes enough insulin you can't bombard it with a boat load of carbs all at once, and feel good about yourself, because you skipped breakfast to do it. That's kinda like a full assault on your organs that are trying valiantly to keep on, keeping on, for YOU! As much as I'd personally love the save 'em for later plan, my body disagrees and if I don't care, who else will?

I learned a lot more and over time will share the bestest bits here. Mostly, I left her office less stressed because of her reassurance. It was very comforting, by the way, that she is diabetic, too. So she gets it, on every level and there was none of the pious, 'I know better than you' attitude. Read up on all things carby at this great page on the diabetes association website. It is my online diabetes bible, I swear, I don't know what I'd do without it. You certainly don't have to be that excited, but give yourself a little learning and you'll be glad you did. http://www.diabetes.org/food-and-fitness/food/what-can-i-eat/carbohydrates.html

Lions and Tigers and Fears...OH MY!

Tomorrow morning I'm off to meet with the folks who specialize in dealing with extra sweet people like me! You know, this new sweet label is about all the coolness coming from this disorder deluxe, and I'm getting the mileage out of it. Anyone that knows me at all, knows I'm not a waster of much of anything. But, I'm getting off topic. This little meeting is all about teaching me what I already know, what I don't know (which is plenty-but I'm working on that real hard!), and how to put it all together and 'fix' myself...sorta. There's no fixin' the pancreas, former producer of insulin I needed, so I could have Snickers without added fiber. It's about fixin' me...the brain part, that's hard-wired to connect food and everything wonderful. Or food and everything awful. I expect to hear that I've not done enough to get my sugar low enough (oh margarita, how thou betrayed me!) when they look at my sugar log. It's not terrible, matter of fact until they tell me how un-good it still is, I've been pretty okay with it. But I know that it still isn't in the normal range, you know, for people who are not as sweet and I'm sure it's supposed to be.

But before this meeting there is some handy dandy paperwork to fill out...as there is with all disorder'ish type things, and I set out this afternoon to complete said paperwork. I arrived at two questions, about halfway through the litany, that made me stop and think, really take stock of what I should say. Kinda odd, I thought, with all these practical, easily answered, medical questions to throw in a couple that emotionally pricked me.

The first was a version of 'what do I know about this disease?'  What they want is the facts I have and the ones I don't, but that's not what they got, because in that moment all that came to me about what I know is this...What I know is that this disease took one of my favorite people in the whole world from me. Absolutely, 100%, no other explanation will do. It destroyed his kidneys and you have to have those bad boys to get by in this world, and so at the ripe old age of 58, his body could stand no more and God scooped him up. Now, I just want God to drop him and let's have us a do-over. I'm selfish that way and seeing as he was my biggest fan, my go-to guy for all things, ever, I miss him beyond expression. But we don't get do-overs on that dying business. Armed with that knowledge, the second part of my answer was this...I don't want this disease to take me. It was my first stark acknowledgement, out loud, so to speak, that I really don't want to die from diabetes. It's not a real friendly way to go. If you don't have first hand experience, just trust me on this one. That led me to the understanding that fear is a big part of what I'm wrestling with, in the early stages of this thing in my life.

These folks must be pretty smart, because no sooner had I had this grand a-ha moment, than the next question said something to the effect of...What are you most afraid of?  My response? It was eloquent, let me tell you! And, probably the most efficient use of words ever!!! Those of you reading along know I have no shortage of words, but today, to answer that question, I only needed one...Everything. I tried to pick the one thing about this disease that scares me most and I couldn't. I'm afraid of everything it can do to my body. With every bite I take, good or bad, (yep, bad, I'm a work in progress...I'm the Sistine Chapel of diabetes, difference is Michaelangelo did eventually finish and I suspect I'll never be finished) I think about what kind of damage it can do to my innards. Isn't that a great word? Garfield the cat used it in a Halloween cartoon when referring to the insides of a pumpkin and I've loved it ever since.

Sugar looks so sweet and innocent, just lying there in that peanut butter cookie, or simmering along in your blackberry cobbler...but it's not. Left to its own devices, it tramples your very valuable organs, some of which you just can't live without. I suppose sugar is the bully on the playground, insulin is the playground guard, and my playground guard took early retirement. Just my luck. He could have at least checked with me first!

Fear is a powerful emotion and motivates many different types of people for many different reasons. In small doses fear can be a good thing. It can make your hairs prickle just enough to know you are headed into something that's over your head and nudge you to turn back. It can also overwhelm you and leave you a prisoner in your own home or in your own mind, too paralyzed to do anything. I'm going to have just enough to, hopefully, keep me heading the right way with this disease until I have it as controlled as I can get it. So for now, me and my fears are headed to learn some stuff that will give me more control. Control I must exercise, because the knowledge does nothing for me if I don't put it into practice. And when I am losing control, and facing the 'fear of failure', I'm going to take myself right back to that first question...what I know is...I don't want this disease to take me.

A little learning is good for us all so check out this cool site I found connected to Kraft Foods. I am digging these recipes!  http://www.kraft.com.au/RecipeCollections/HealthyEating/DiabeticRecipes/

Fiberlicious

Fiber is an important part of any healthy diet but it can be especially beneficial to a person with diabetes. Blah, blah, blah...don't fall asleep on me just yet! It gets crazy interesting in a minute...we'll do some math!  I spent this afternoon reading up on fiber articles, from websites like MedlinePlus, the ADA, and several in-between. Fiber is not digested as it goes through our bodies, so having a higher dosage of it in the carbohydrates we're eating is a big plus. You aren't adding sugar to your bloodstream, or any of your other 2,000 parts, if you aren't digesting it!

Of course the recommendation of all these healthy life promoting websites is to obtain your fiber naturally, in your food, rather than through a supplement. No shock there.  Nice thing these days, especially if you have a busy lifestyle, is they are adding fiber to everything from single serving applesauce to yogurt to artificial sweetners. Seriously, I bought applesauce with extra fiber...it was tasty, too.  Not to mention the foods that already have a lot of fiber to which they are adding MORE fiber! Remember that double fiber bread?  It's pretty good by the way, a bit drier than average, but not enough to worry about. Well, Bunny Bread it ain't and the Wonder Bread folks are perfectly safe, too, but it really is edible.

The 'best' fiber count, according to all these fine professionals, is a serving of food that has 5 or more grams of fiber in it. 2+ up to 5 grams is considered 'good'. Most breads (the ones I've been stalking in the grocery store), contain 2-3, some 4...you have to go looking for those 5's and better. See, I told you there was math! The level of fiber affects how you count the carbohydrates, too, as a diabetic. Far too much information to re-type here (and even more math...some dividing and subtracting...*gasp*), so I'm adding a link at the bottom for you to go read all about carbs, which includes fiber and what you want to know. It's riveting reading...I swear! And there's no pop quiz to follow, aren't I sweet?! Of course I am, that's how I got here in the first place!

Now if I can just figure out how to get more fiber in my Snickers...

http://www.diabetes.org/food-and-fitness/food/what-can-i-eat/carbohydrates.html

A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down...NOT!

When I was a young girl, I had an aunt that I just adored. She was so glamorous to my child eyes. She wore wigs to have more bouffanty hair, she had that eyeliner that looked like Elizabeth Taylor, she was daily dressed to stop traffic, and she always had what amounted to a small suitcase of medication, because she was ill all of my life.  That little rectangular case (think hip 60's hard shell make-up case with mirror in the lid) held bottle after bottle of prescription medication to manage her outrageous heart problems and other assorted serious illnesses. In a strange bit of irony, all that medication that kept her alive for years, eventually was credited with causing the stomach cancer that took her life. Between heart problems, diabetes, and blood pressure issues, everyone in my family, it seemed, was on 'medication for life'. Since I was young, I thought this was what happened when you 'got old'. 

Realizing I had arrived at the door of diabetes, I was overcome with that sense of 'medication for life' because I was 'old'. Never mind that I know better! As a matter of fact, 90 is looking pretty young to me these days. Least as far as I can see, the older I get the farther off 'old' gets. But niggling in the back of my brain was the sense that if I had to take medication forever, I was old, and doomed, and well, can't you just hear the violin playing?!  I went so far as to ask the doc if I worked really really hard and was super good (yeah, fat chance, Twinkie loving girl...don't go there!) and got my sugar down the all natural way, could I please not take that medicine stuff. You can guess how that went. A big fat NO. Here's why. She explained that the medicine will help regulate the extremes of my blood sugar. Because with diabetes, if you have high highs, you are also having some low lows. And your body can't cope with that long term. The medicine shortens the wave...so there are fewer extremes and your body is a bit more leveled out.

There are dozens of medication options, prescription and OTC supplement type things, and then there's the insulin by injection, which I am so grateful not to be having to use.  So, I'll share what I take, what it is, and where it falls in the list of medication options. Then I'll give you a link so you can go read up for yourself.  I am on a medication called Metformin. It was my doc's choice because it is less taxing on that pancreas that has so deserted me in my hour of dessert needs. It is in the category of Biguanides which is one of six classes of blood sugar lowering drugs.  It works primarily by lowering the glucose produced by the liver and by making your muscle tissue more sensitive to insulin so glucose can be absorbed.  I take it every day and it's making a huge difference.

I'm still getting used to being on 'medication for life' but when I think I want to get dramatic about it, I remind myself that it is indeed just that...medication for LIFE. I am too busy having a life to leave yet. I have things to do, children to raise, libraries and library patrons to care for, and in general much fun yet to be had. So me and my Metformin are spending time together, twice a day. We're going to be great buds...especially if it makes me a little less sweet.  Read more about medication for diabetes here, http://www.diabetes.org/living-with-diabetes/treatment-and-care/medication/